Sing, O muse, of the tale of the Bethany and her BaoWow. Nerds everywhere, heed my words. Ours is a story of success and inspiration to the disenfranchise nerds and geeks of the world. You too can get the girl if you pester her enough.
Say you were to carjacked a DeLorean, take it to St. Louis, Missouri circa 1993, and tell this little girl that one day she will be marrying that kid in the glasses there, she’ll probably think you’re a nutcase. A cool ass time traveling nutcase but nonetheless, one that obviously doesn't have a clue.
As the story goes, Bethany traveled with her family in the summer of '93 to Orlando, Florida for a vacation.
At the same time, less than a year fresh off the boat from the mother land came Bao Linh, and those glasses.
Time eventually proved that he was indeed a fashionable trend setter ahead of his time. Here’s Tommy from Third Rock from the Sun wearing the same pair.
No impression was made on Bethany by the weird kid in glasses. They parted not as friend nor enemies, not as anything actually. Sorry, this is not a story where the couple started out hating each other and gradually falls in love over the course of an hour and forty-five minutes.
For the rest of the 90's, the two would sporadically run into each other from time to time. “Sporadic” means once in a while. Try and use it in a sentence today.
I would say that it's a definite When Harry met Sally situation. If Harry was a baggy jeans backward cap wearing wannabe thug and Sally was a preppy little tennis playing Asian girl with a boy haircut.
Somewhere along the way, they got comfortable talking to each other nightly over AOL 2.5.
The topics at first were mundane. Who’s the best Heavenly King of Cantonese Pop? (Andy is the best and Leon is a poser according to Bao Linh), what's a good TVB drama out this month? And finally, Brittney or Christina?
There were many explosive arguments about Backstreet Boys vs. *NSYNC.
Somewhere along the way, Bethany stated her preference for BBMak and Reverend Than started preaching "New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits, Chinese food makes me sick." Nevertheless, the Boy Band love was real for these two.
While it became customary for them to converse nightly over AOL on these matters. one thing was becoming clear however.
As they got more comfortable talking, other topics besides pop music and Chinese drama came up. When Bethany started talking about guys she liked, Bao Linh unknowingly found himself in the abyss that all guys with hot female friends dreaded, the Ninth Hell that is the FRIEND ZONE.
Bao Linh maintained that it was him who put Bethany in the FRIEND ZONE and that there were plenty of women out there wanting a BLT sandwich. That's his story and he's sticking to it.
In the summer of 2001, Bethany made her way down to Orlando, Florida for a visit to the University of Central Florida, Bao Linh took her on a tour of the campus.
He also introduced her to his favorite hang out, Rocky’s Replay Arcade,. It was here that he wowed her with his mad Dance Dance Revolution Skills.
DJ Than obviously made a great impression because the minute Bethany got back to Missouri; she attended St. Louis University instead.
Nevertheless, their friendship endured.
Now Bao Linh would like to tell you that he and Bethany were in love ever since they met as children, but that would’ve been a bold face lie, just like the Moon Landing.
Instead, the closest Bao got to see Queen B during their college years was when he visited his then girlfriend, who coincidentally also happened to be from St. Louis.
Unfortunately B² never got the chance to meet up as Bao Linh was too busy bailing his girl out of the County Jail. But that my friend is another story for another time.
In 2005, Bethany needed an escort down to the wilderness South for a job interview with Piper Aircraft. Bao Linh gladly volunteered his services.
As he sat at the Books a Million by Highway 60 passing the time while Bethany's interviewing, a tiny flash of “What if” crossed Bao Linh's mind. However, he quickly extinguished the thought and went back to reading his Pokémon comics. Life’s too short to waste time on "What Ifs".
Up until then, Bao Linh was comfortable with just being comfortable. He was dating people that he felt no need to improved himself for. He had two level 75 characters in Final Fantasy Online and several level 100 Pokémons on his Nintendo DS. This he thought, was all a person needed in life.
Yet, seeing the drive Bethany has to work hard, to have high standards and aspirations to reach them, and to be a person that strive to make the world a better place, it made him reconsidered his priorities.
Bao Linh got rid of his car, dubbed "the Terrorist Wagon", started bathing regularly, cut off his rat-tail, and generally strived to be a better person.
Now, Bao will tell you that he didn't do this for nobody but himself and definitely not for some chick. But I can tell you candidly that, that is another bold face lie, just like those damn Ginsu Knives. I tried sawing a piece of concrete with them once, it ain't performed like it did on TV.
Alas, there was never a single moment where you could say that their love blossomed into what it is today. In fact, they cannot tell you their anniversary date because they don't know how it happened. It's like how all of a sudden Justin Bieber got famous. No one really knows and you best just accept it as fact.
Indeed, there was no actual profound, light-bulb moment like Cher from Clueless standing by the Fountain realizing that "Oh my gosh, I love Josh". If there was ever a moment like that, Bethany is sure to deny it until the day she dies.
Bao Linh maintained that he was just chillin" out max and relaxing all cool and things just happened.
He swears on his firstborn cat Ollie that one night over the phone, Bethany asked if he loves her, and he answered "You aight, we can go steady." And that my friends, was all she wrote.
That's it! That's their story in a nutshell, straight outta Pine Hills and into whatever web connected device that you're reading this through.
The couple would like to extend their sincere expression of gratitude to everyone who will be joining them for this most special of occasion and a "thank you, wish you were here" to everyone that cannot make it.
Bao Linh would like to close this out with a quote that he felt perfectly described his feelings towards his bride, from the venerable Ashelus T. Ketchum.
"I want to be, the very best, like no one ever was, Bethany, I CHOOSE YOU!"